I hope you're well and that you have had a lovely start to 2018 (can you believe it's already nearly February?). This is my first personal blog post of the year and I just wanted to write an update for you all to have a read.
Firstly I'll start with the big issue of work. Those who have followed me or read my previous blog know about my mental health struggles. You would also know that I started working at the Pop-Up Disney Store in Leicester. I thought I was ready and I thought it was the right time to get back on my feet after a period of absence from work. Clearly, it didn't work out for me. I'm really disappointed in myself for failing but I'm pleased I recognised when I needed to get help. I was honestly at my lowest ebb again and had the darker thoughts come back. I saw my doctor who placed me on sick leave, after a call to a meeting it was decided to terminate my probation period. It was a fair decision and it's something especially my doctor agreed on.
So what now? I'm going to work on my confidence again. The doctor thinks I should get back in touch with Lets Talk which are the counselling service I have been under previously. I'm not 100% sure about it as I don't think it particularly did much for me last time but we'll see. I've turned down any medication for now as I've had 4 different types of anti-depressants and none of them seemed to have much of an effect.
It's just a re-build period again now. I hope I can get back on my feet in due time. I've recently bought a notebook and filled it with my daily tasks. This way I know what I need to do on a certain day, at the end of the day I go through and write positive things that happened on the day. This will hopefully focus me a bit more on things and build up my self-belief.
Away from this though I did enjoy a nice Christmas which I got to spend with Megan and her mum. I had a rare let my hair down night on Christmas eve and may have been a bit tippled. Megan then came up to Leicester and we had a few quiet days here for New Years which was super lovely. I've been going to the cinema quite a lot with our Odeon Limitless card. I've seen in the past few weeks since Christmas; The Greatest Showman four times (each time in a different cinema and with different people), Paddington 2 (with my mum), The Darkest Hour (with Megs) and most notably Coco at the BFI which included post-film Q and A with the films director Lee Unkrich and producer Darla K. Anderson. It was a really wonderful occasion.
One of the things I'd love to do is to interact with people more, especially on social media. Like I'd love to have a proper conversation with you guys rather than just a few tweets here and there. That would be awesome. I'd particularly love to hang out face to face if my anxiety could cope with it. I know so many awesome people who are just a face on a screen which I'd love to get to spend real time with. If you'd be interested in more detail conversations and meeting up please let me know - I know you won't but PLEASE do.
But onwards we go. I've reached today's goals already. So going to relax this evening and watch a film.
I hope you're all doing well.
Have a great evening (or Morning, Afternoon or Night depending on when you read this!).
Lots of love,